People get married for lots of reasons, some good and others not so good. Many marriages today fail because the couple does not understand either the purpose or the principles of a successful marriage. A successful marriage has little to do with love. In fact, love does not guarantee success in marriage. Love is very important for happiness in marriage but not by itself because it cannot make a marriage work. Success in marriage depends on how much we know about something and not how we feel about it. Knowledge is very critical to marital success; therefore it is important first of all to recognize some of the most common unhealthy reasons people use in choosing to get married. Below are ten (10) unhealthy reasons why people choose to get married.
- To spite their parents.
Do you know that some people get married in other to get back at their parents? They sometimes resent their parents rule or chafe by their parent’s discipline. They get angry over their parents disapproval of friends, especially that special boyfriend or girlfriend. That anger or resentment drives them to do something foolish, like getting married without thinking it through. Even though they may know nothing about marriage, they jump at the chance because they see it as a quick way to get out from their parents restrictions. Marrying to spite one’s parent is a crazy reason to get married. A person who marries out of spite, sees his or her spouse not as a lover but as a means of escape from dominating parents.
- To escape an unhappy home.
We’ve seen people who grew up in poor, unhappy and difficult homes and all they thought of and wished to do was escape; home life may be a constant litany of anger, shouting, cursing and quarrelling. Whatever the reason, using marriage as a way out for getting out of home is extremely unwise and foolish. People who marry in order to escape rarely find what they’re looking for.
- Fear of being left out
This fear affects both men and women, but tends to hit women harder than men, particularly as they get older. A woman’s sense of worth is linked to marriage, home and family more so than is a man’s. Women get worried if they reach the age of 30 and are still yet unmarried; this causes panic! This mindset makes some women grab the first guy who comes along and show any interest in her. Even when he is only taking advantage of her, she convinces herself that he loves her and that she loves him. Men also make the same mistake; the fear of the thought of being a bachelor all their lives make them marry women who are not right for them. When an individual marries out of fear, they either get their marriage broken up or they “grin and bear it”, too embarrassed to admit to the world.
- Because of Having Sex
What many fails to understand is, sex does not equate to marriage. Sex alone does not make or break a marriage. Sex is only appropriate within the bound of marriage. It enhances and enriches a marriage with a proper foundation. Outside of marriage, sex is inappropriate and psychologically damaging, emotionally dangerous and sinful. Sexual abstinence is the only appropriate behavior for unmarried people.
- To be a counselor for other people.
Yes! It sounds crazy, but this is why some people get married they feel a sense of responsibility for someone who needs the benefit of their wisdom, counsel and advice. Be careful men! Don’t get carried away because a young lady comes to you for counsel; it doesn’t mean you should marry her. And ladies! Just because a young man may seek out your advice, doesn’t necessarily mean he should become your husband. In other words, marriage is not a proper forum for therapy.
It is not uncommon at all for people in long time therapy to develop romantic feelings to their therapist. Insecure people are mostly drawn easily to those they regard as authority; therefore, professional counselors have to watch out for this kind of things all the time. If you marry someone who is always looking to you as a counselor, you will never get any rest and they will drain you emotionally. Don’t get caught in this trap because no one who needs counselling is ready for marriage.
- A Negative Self-image
Many people get married with the hope it will make them feel worthwhile and give meaning to their life. Their self-image is so low that they constantly need someone to affirm their worth and tell them that they’re alright. A spouse who enters marriage with this negative self-image comes into that as only half a person and if both people have self-image problem they’re really in for a very rough time. A healthy marriage brings two holes together and not two halves. Two people who come together and are confident of their own self-worth and also comfortable in their personal identities can build a happy, successful and meaningful marriage.
- Marrying on the Rebound
You’ll notice or realize that people who have been hurt in a former relationship or marriage often feel discouraged and depressed. Their low self-esteem makes them quick to jump headlong into a new relationship with the first person they come across, who show them sympathy or concern. By this, they hope not only to ease their hurt but prove to themselves that theirs nothing wrong with them. You don’t have to get married to prove that you’re alright; there are other ways to do that. It gets back self-image issue. A problem with marrying on the rebound is that its not a marriage of love, but of convenience. In reality however, no love is involved marrying on the rebound. It is only a marriage of convenience and a ‘quick and easy’ way out of your dilemma.